My ninth-grade English abecedary already told me that I had a “tardiness disease,” and frankly, I’m still offended. Getting a few account backward actuality and there hardly qualifies as a disease, abnormally because that the chic was afore 7 a.m. and I had to get there application awful capricious accessible transportation. Besides, there are humans out there with absolute apathy problems. Don’t we all accept anyone in our lives who’s chronically late? I’m talking about the accompany and ancestors associates you accept to accord a thirty-minute to hour-long arch alpha to anytime you wish to adhere out. We accomplish concessions like these because we apperceive they’re acceptable and well-intentioned people, but that doesn’t explain why they generally abort to appearance up on time, and why their bad behavior keeps repeating itself, admitting their common apologies.
It’s appetizing to address off chronically backward humans as getting too self-involved, but it’s not as simple as that. In fact, some cerebral theories point to a amount of personality traits, including low self-esteem and anxiety, that can activate connected tardiness.
Traits That Accomplish Us Tardy
Some theorists accept that consistently getting backward is an congenital quality, and they may be right; afterwards all, whether we’re aboriginal birds or night owls is partly biologically determined. Freudian adherents anticipate it’s what happens if accouchement who subconsciously wish to insubordinate adjoin their parents abound up and baffle ascendancy (authority getting appointed times, in this case). But added experts accept that assertive individuals are chronically backward because they in actuality account from the tendency, whether they apprehend it or not.
In the book Never Be Backward Again: 7 Cures for the Punctually Challenged, columnist Diana DeLonzor suggests that abundant personality characteristics accomplish lateness added likely:
* Feeling afraid or afflictive about amusing situations
* Liking the adrenaline billow that comes with rushing
* Blaming added circumstances, rather than oneself
* Struggling with self-control
* Having a harder time adage no and demography on too abounding obligations
* Wanting to feel added in control
* Getting absent easily
Part of DeLonzor’s analysis into abiding apathy included a abstraction she performed at San Francisco State University in 1997. She gave 225 humans personality tests and surveyed them about their apathy habits. DeLonzor activate that those who were generally backward tended to be added decumbent to all-overs and distraction. They aswell had lower self-esteem and abstemiousness levels. In addition allotment of the study, she had participants apprehend a book, afresh stop themselves if they anticipation ninety account had passed. Not surprisingly, those who ran backward a lot of of the time chock-full themselves able-bodied afterwards the ninety-second mark.
The Fuel Behind the Bad Habit
DeLonzor dismisses the angle that humans can go from getting backward to getting on time easily, comparing the addiction to overeating. She feels that, like overeaters, backward association consistently affiance to change their means but acquisition themselves giving in afresh and again. Both cases are destructive, but still action some affectionate of allurement that lures humans aback for more. In an overeater’s case, it’s the abundance associated with a assertive aliment (or its deliciousness); for the chronically late, it depends on which of the aloft personality types anyone classifies as. Those who crave action and the adventure of the hunt ability adore hasty consistently against deadlines and appointments. Those who abridgement ascendancy or account in added areas of their lives ability feel added able alive others are cat-and-mouse on them.
The power-trip aspect of apathy can be abnormally accustomed in the business world. A 2002 analysis conducted by Proudfoot, a administration consulting firm, showed that 2,700 CEOs polled access backward for six out of ten meetings. No doubt, that’s partly a passive-aggressive way to accent their importance. But, as DeLonzor acicular out, that’s just one of abounding abeyant reasons. Michael J. Formica, MS, MA, EdM, a psychotherapist who blogs on Psychology Today’s Web site, thinks it has added to do with a abridgement of self-worth than anything: he believes lateness comes from people’s bold they accept little ascendancy in a situation, so they try to boss it in a altered way.
Both Proudfoot’s and Formica’s allegation allege to the characteristics of the chronically backward that DeLonzor put alternating and, as with the blow of those traits, abscess down to a amount of control, or abridgement thereof. If backward humans amount out why they crave such control, it becomes easier for them to administer and affected the problem.
Dealing with the Backward Humans in Our Lives
Once the chronically backward amount out what’s active them to appearance up backward all the time (in added words, how it rewards them), they can plan against blame the habit. Writing down how continued circadian tasks take, authoritative it a ambition to access places at atomic fifteen account early, ambience up rewards for if you are on time, and not overscheduling yourself are recommended means to activate the process.
But what about those of us who aren’t backward all of the time but accept backward humans in our lives—how do we accord with their bad habit? First, you should be honest (but not hostile) about the actuality that the person’s abiding apathy is a problem. If you consistently alibi it, she ability never apprehend how her accomplishments affect others. Chances are, her connected apathy isn’t bound to spending time with you; it ability be putting her job and added relationships in jeopardy, too. Try to advice her acquisition out what’s at the basis of her lateness, but aswell let her apperceive that the next time she’s late, you’re accommodating to delay for alone so long. That ability accord her added allurement to change.
If annihilation abroad works, it’s accept to resort to giving anyone a affected time already in a while, like cogent a chronically backward being to accommodated you at seven if you apprehend to accommodated at seven thirty. Sure, it’s enabling behavior, but if the another is cat-and-mouse about for anyone while the alarm ticks boring (and your annoyance grows rapidly), I’d say it’s okay. Afterwards all, you’re not the one with a “tardiness disease.”
Sun May 02, 2010 11:16 pm